My Heart

an experience that i really hated

giving a handshake seems so difficult for some people. let alone smile and a simple hi. what's so difficult with putting out your right hand and give a good handshake to the people around you. i believe a handshake can do a lot of things. a friendship starts with a handshake. maybe for some, a simple hi and a smile would do the job.

the way you shake hands with another person shows your sincerity. if you give a handshake for the sake of giving a handshake, hug for the sake of hugging, i think you better stop all that. no use doing certain things without any sincerity. just like a hypocrite.

a quiet person? a snobbish and proud person? there's a difference between these 2 people.

Cikgu Aliman Hassan once said, "apabila awak bersalaman dengan orang lain, hulurkan tangan kanan, salam dan tarik ke dada. ini menunjukkan ketulusan dan keikhlasan."

see how cultured malays are. a lot of our culture are not put into practice. the modern world has taken into us and we tend to forget all these things. i heard of malays who proudly said "i'm not good in my malay, i prefer speaking in english." i was disgusted. i was wondering why can't one be equally good in both? what is going to happen to Bahasa Melayu one day? pupus dimakan usia? My lecturers are a good bunch of examples. They can speak in malay and english very2 well. my friends, they are equally good in both. my bf, he is equally good in both too. i am so proud of you people.

let's do some reflection...

"siapa lagi kalau bukan orang Melayu yang mempertahankan Bahasa Melayu?"

'nuff said
[9:16 AM]

a dream that continued...

2 nights ago, i dreamt that i was walking home with him. the neighbourhood looked a lil bit different. a mixture of the old concept and the upgraded concept. as i was walking with him, i saw a lot of dogs wandering around my neighbourhood. it looked as if they were guarding the area. i saw 2 men there too. i dunno what happened after that.

last night, i dreamt that i was walking home with him again. this time we were from another side. in order to reach my block, i had to walk across the same area where i saw the dogs in my last dream. as we were walking, we saw the dogs wandering around the area. some were lying down. it looked as if it was their hang-out place. a dog that didn't look fierce at all came attacking me. i took a bottle and hit it. i didn't know where i got that much strength to hit it and it died. by that time, the dogs were looking at us. i saw a car, talked to the driver about what we encountered and the driver let me in. Haf didn't follow me in and i didn't know why. there was another car which was in the area as well. the driver was calling out to him to get in the car cos the dogs were already running after him. when he reached the car, he couldn't get in the car cos he was surrounded by the dogs. the driver of the car that i was in drove to the other side of the carpark. i didn't see haf at all. i asked the driver to move the car to the front. to my surprise, haf was lying flat on the ground. the dogs were eating up his flesh. what was i feeling? it was a sure heartbreaking moment to see a loved one in that state. i still can't get over the dream.
i know it's just a dream but it's weird.

i told haf about it right after i woke up from the dream.

Haf: i was lifeless and nothing happened to you?
Me: ya, i was ok.
Haf: it's ok then as long as nothing happened to you.

i wanted to cry. i cried actually. it felt so real.

Haf made me feel better by saying, "mimpi tu permainan tidur". at the same time, my mind was telling me, "mimpi tu pun satu petanda".

last month, i dreamt that a cat was playing with my feet.
what's with these animals??
i know i'm now on the topic, "Haiwan" but can you "haiwan" pls stop haunting me?

'nuff said
[4:27 PM]

with much love

with much love,

haf and atie

'nuff said
[9:32 PM]

i am drained

it's always work...
morning work...
meet him, work..
weekend, work...

i am totally drained...

i need some quality time with him...
to rest,
to relax,
to take a breather...
cos i know i'm going to breakdown...
soon...

'nuff said
[9:09 AM]

lost and found

misunderstandings will only make the bond stronger only if both parties are willing to talk it out and solve it. either party will get hurt or in certain instances, both may get hurt. you cannot run away from misunderstandings.

i was lost and found. lost and found. lost and found. you guided me and protected me. protected me from everything that came my way. right to shoo-ing the cat away from me. i feel safe. i feel protected whenever i'm with you. i know i dun have to worry. i know i am in good hands. in really good hands.

i can't wait to see you later. :)

'nuff said
[10:45 AM]

something to share

A young lady was waiting for her flight in the boarding room of a big airport. As she would need to wait many hours, she decided to buy a book to spend her time. She also bought a packet of cookies.

She sat down in an armchair, in the VIP room of the airport, to rest and read in peace. Beside the armchair where the packet of cookies lay, a man sat down in the next seat, opened his magazine and started reading. When she took out the first cookie, the man took one also. She felt irritated but said nothing. She just thought: "What a nerve! If I was in the mood I would punch him daring!" For each cookie she took, the man took one too. This was infuriating her but she didn't want to cause a scene. When only one cookie remained, she thought: "ah... What this abusive man do now?" Then, the man, taking the last cookie, divided it into half, giving her one half. Ah! That was too much! She was much too angry now! In a huff, she took her book, her things and stormed to the boarding place.

When she sat down in her seat, inside the plane, she looked into her purse to take her eyeglasses, and, to her surprise, her packet of cookies was there, untouched, unopened! She felt so ashamed!! She realized that she was wrong...She had forgotten that her cookies were kept in her purse. The man had divided his cookies with her, without feeling angered or bitter...while she had been very angry, thinking that she was dividing her cookies with him. And now there was no chance to explain herself...nor to apologize.

There are 4 things that you cannot recover.
The stone....after the throw!
The word....after it's said!
The occasion....after the loss!
The time....after it's gone!

'nuff said
[12:13 PM]

the good old times

was having supper at adam's corner when i heard someone called my name. i turned and it was dila and sarina. was shocked to see them especially dila. she's back from Germany for an attachment here. well, it seemed that they knew quite a lot about me. about mum, hafiz and all. yeah, they read my blog. like i said, some people don't bother to read. catch up on things and seriously BOTH of you are still the same. dila, up till now, i can still see the manjaness in you. tak berubah! was glad to see both of you. i miss those times we had. band, the 'Take That' scenes and all. i miss the two of you so much. annnnddddd...insyallah, i'll plan for dinner or something to catch up with the two of you before dila flies off to Germany again. Julie, if you're reading this, tell me when is your off day? actually i dun need too.. when my brother is working morning shift, it'll be your first off right? pandai atie!! hee...

'nuff said
[9:16 AM]

updates

2 weeks have gone. i'm coping very2 well. my CT is better now. she has helped me a lot. very2 stressful but she understands my situation. i have to do 15 detailed lesson plans every week. that's close to 150 detailed lesson plans in 9 weeks. worst part is, i have to send all the lesson plans for the week to my supervisor by sunday. it's taxing. i almost broke down. i'm tired, mentally and physically. i enjoy teaching. i so hate the lesson planning. and i think most of us agree with this.
haf has unofficially resigned from being a KFC delivery rider. i have appointed him to be my personal rider with no pay. ok, none of that sort. for the past 2 weeks, he has been fetching me from school, sending me for tuition, sending me home everyday. after a hard day's work, seeing him completes my day everyday. truly happy. thank you.
mum's cancer cells in the blood has gone up i think. the doctor advised us for another transplant asap. using her own stem cells for the transplant will only benefit her about 1-2 yrs. the best will be mum sibling's stem cells but it's sad to find out that none of her siblings are willing to donate their stem cells. and it's more sad to hear this from her,"none of my siblings loves me". she cried. till now, we still don't know the cost for the previous transplant. dad's medisave almost finished. we're left with mum's medisave which is not a lot plus the 3 of us. waiting for the next check-up..
oh yeah...lesson planning again and marking to do..

'nuff said
[11:03 AM]

on random...

this school is like an international school...we have korean, philippines, bangladeshi, nepalese, thai, what else?

i'm so tired...i need my beauty sleep..

to my babes, i miss you girls so much...

'nuff said
[4:12 PM]

ah...

after all the studying and weekly detailed lesson planning, haf and i are starting to talk to ourselves...the best part now is, both of us dunno what we are talking about...

in other words...

both of us are going crazy...

'nuff said
[9:57 PM]

our sunday

on a sunday...
starbucks Fullerton One...

lesson planning and studying in progress...

Labels: quiet moments

'nuff said
[5:39 PM]