what's the point of asking when you have decided?

what's the point of me giving my views then?

arggghhhh.....

hug and you're in big trouble....a big one...

i feel like crying......

I AM CRANKY!!!!

sesungguhnya aku bingit lagi...

dari pagi...BINNNGGGITTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I hope God will show me one day that what you have been saying to me were full of shit!!!

If i'm wrong and if it's just me....i'm sorry....

apa salah aku buat pun aku tak tau....

but pls God....show me pls...

dan sesungguhnya aku bingit....

darah naik...

It was not a good start to the year. like i've said a lot of things happened. nothing of it i've asked for. many things have changed. since the accident. he is grumpy nowadays and i am less cranky. i understand. i do get upset sometimes but i truly understand. if i were in his shoes, maybe i wouldn't even want to go out of the house.

since the accident. we have been going public of cos. the time taken from one place to another is longer now without the bike. i'm used to it. he is trying to adapt. looking good though. no more scoldings from him cos i can sleep all i want in the bus or train. no more hitting of helmets to wake me up. hehe. i can look at him when making conversation and not look at his helmet. hee...

he has sold his bike. for good. moto dah tak serupa motor, lebih baik jual.

without the bike, he's punctual. super punctual. sometimes earlier. that's a change. wahahahah!

many things are not settled yet. i'm so so tired. i wish i could engaged someone to plan everything for me. setakat cakap yes, no, not nice, nice, i want, i dun want, i like, i dun like, etc. best kan?

penat, penat, penat.

time is passing by fast. really fast.

the train ride felt so long. sent to a hospital which i was not so familiar with. so old and scary. the moment i stepped into his ward, i looked at him and smiled. he gave me a smile. all i wanted to do was hug him but i couldn't. he asked me to stand nearer to him. all i could say was ,"are you ok?" i couldn't say anything more cos i wanted to cry. seeing him in that condition made me so sad. the cuts on his face, the hand, the abrasions, the pain... at the same time, i was glad that i could still see him.

he said....

i am glad i was alone during the accident.
i am glad i can still look and talk at you.

friends visited. he was joking and making people laugh. it was supposed to be the other way round.

everytime the nurse comes in, he will ask,"when can i go home? i want to go home!"

yesterday, he was discharged. i guess the painkillers didn't work on him. he was still feeling the pain. was groaning in pain.

but i could see his determination. determination to recover.

was waiting for his phone call. i did received the phone call but only to hear some bad news. he was involved in an accident. my heart dropped. the ambulance attendant talked to me and said it was quite serious and heart dropped to the ground. i was so shock that i forgot to ask about the details like where it happened, to which hospital and so on so on.

informed the parents. i didn't cry. i've always considered myself as strong but apparently i am not. how strong can a person be? i didn't know about his condition. i didn't sleep well. was waiting for his call all night. he did call to update on his condition.

i was quite relieved to hear him laughing with the paramedic.

he went for an x-ray and found out that he suffered a bad fracture on his hand and had to go for a surgery.

he called in the morning. he was in pain. i cried. i couldn't take it anymore. i wish i was there.

"dun forget to eat later. dun think too much. i'll be fine."

he knows me at the back of his fingertips. knowing that i do not have the appetite to eat when i'm worried.

he said sorry. sorry cos we had to cancel our plans for the weekend.

i want to see him. badly. no updates about him so far.

i've informed some friends. the chicas so sweet. ayu sms-ed. ayul called. afah, being the kaisu one, she did both.

same question. are you ok? is he ok?

same answer. aku tak ok. emotionally. dia tak ok. physically.

sista called too.

who's to blame? no one.

it's just fated.

it's in the storyline....

it has been a long time since i've updated my blog. lots and lots of things going on. and i really mean a lot. lots and lots of things to settle so i can concentrate on work. didn't have the time to even breathe. and now....back to the basic...work.

first week was ok. looking forward. the little ones. they're oh so cute. thinking positively each day.

and my little princess has started her nursery class. she was looking forward to going to school. she managed it quite well, i guess. she didn't cry. she didn't look for her mummy. and that's a good sign. very independent girl. oh yes, she's one of the tallest in class. not surprsing though. my sister took 2 days leave just to be with her for the first 2 days of school.

i dropped her off at her school before going to work. when i was walking and holding her hand, i looked at her...oh god, she has grown so much. so much.

and this morning, she went up to me and said, "umie atie, kakak nak pegi school la. ni baju kakak. umie atie gosokkan baju kakak, boleh tak?" oh so polite!!

i'm sick. really sick. having a fever.