13.. An unlucky number to some.. Divine to others.. No matter how u look at it, there will still be reasons to why it's memorable.. Whenever the page on the calendar meets the 13th, we will start walking down memory lane to reminisce the past.. Memories..

He's supposed to turn 29 today.. I can still remember vividly on how he would savour his cakes.. No matter how small it is.. And no matter how plain it is.. He lived every moment of his breath wif purpose.. I wish i could emulate him.. But alas, i'm juz dreaming.. He's the epitome of patience.. And a good son.. I wish i had bought him more gifts.. But i couldn't afford it most of the time.. And he doesn't mind.. Simplicity is him.. It hurts to see & to noe tat he wasn't around during the wedding.. How i wish i could have gotten tat brotherly handshake & a warm hug.. It's been nearly 5 years since he left.. But i still haven't gotten over it.. The moments.. The heart wrenching news.. Deeply etched in my heart.. It will be my fren.. As well as my foe.. HE noes wats best.. Even though we humans have the tendency to live in denial.. I had to accept it.. The bday gift tat i have for him now.. Prayers.. U will always be my beloved bro..

It's been 4 mths.. Lots of things have happened without her around.. And somehow, we all struggled.. Time will tell.. It was a big challenge.. More to a mental one.. Having to carry on wif the wedding preparations without the pillar of strength around was a big test.. Walking wounded.. And for us not being able to kiss her hand to ask for her blessings on the dias is heart wrenching.. But the one taking the bigger blow is definitely Atie.. Tat's her beloved ibu.. She cried while watching Jeritan Sepi.. Cos it reminded her of ibu.. I wish i could soften the pain.. I could juz console her.. She was closest to ibu.. And therefore i sympathize wif her.. Only time will tell.. The scars won't forget the wounds..

It's been a month since we have officially been certified husband & wife.. Lots of new things to uphold.. As a husband.. And as a wife.. We r certainly basking in our new roles.. May HE prolong this marriage wif lots of love and colour till the end of our lives.. Amin..

Tat's number 13 for us.. A number wif stories & memories.. Wat's urs?

To Hermi & Ibu.. Semoga Allah s.w.t mencucuri rahmat ke atas roh mereka.. Amin..

-Haf-

03.12.2008

I chose to meet my RO for my work review. Done and I am officially OFF DUTY(self declared).

Went for a funeral. A colleague's father passed away. It was my first time attending a Hindu funeral. Learnt a couple of new things.

Umie fetched me from Potong Pasir. We planned to chill out in town and finalise the wedding itinerary. We headed off to Buona Vista first cos Umie wanted to send something to Henry.

So we ate at coffee bean. walked over to starbucks just to find a working power point and wireless network. we managed to finalise my wedding itinerary. thank you umie!

umie: atie, wanna go my house?

atie: Finished renovating?

umie: 95% done!

atie: eh i want to see your walk-in wardrobe.

umie: ok ok, we'll go my house later.

Reached Umie's house....

Umie: See my house...

Atie: Nice la umie...

Umie: See my toilet. nice right?

Atie: ya, very nice..so this is your walk-in wardrobe...

Umie: Atie, faster faster see my room...

and.......

SURPRISE!!!!!

There they were in umie's room - henry, anita, fifi, hadri, amad, ira

I was really stunned that I didn't say anything at all. I didn't know what to say. They sang me the birthday song. made a wish and blew out the candle. they gave me my present and i cut the cake.

ok ok this is the best and the most touching part. after cutting the cake, i heard someone knocking. everyone kept quiet and i heard the sound of a guitar outside the room. Then i heard mamal's voice and i knew straightaway that someone else was out there with him.

True enough...I broke down when i heard Haf's voice. He sang "Aku ada karena kau ada". I didn't know what else to do but cry. As promised, we couldn't see each other. so he was outside the room while i was inside...separated by a piece of cloth and not forgetting mamal in between. he held out his hand just to wish me happy birthday. gave me the flowers and a present.

he got me this....

the gang sat down, ate the cake and some had their dinner including him. All the while, we didn't see each other. We could only hear each other's voice.

Thanks umie for spending half the day with me...Thanks everyone for planning this small yet meaningful surprise party for me. Thanks for the presents and well wishes. Thanks for everything.....

For you...Hafiz...
Thank you for everything...like what you've said just now...10 more days...and yes...I can't wait to see you cos i miss you like crazy...

I've been attending weddings lately. Whenever I'm at a wedding, i feel very sad.

I dunno how to go through mine.

I wish my mum was here....

kadang-kadang aku pelik la...kenapa orang-orang ni tak tau nak cakap baik-baik? apa salahnya kalau cakap baik-baik...susah sangat ke nak cakap baik-baik? aku baru, aku tau. sekurang-kurangnya aku tak biadab. kau orang lama tapi kesian, kau tak ada adab.

kau nak hentak2 benda tu semua buat ape? aku berbual baik2 dgn kau, kau buang muka. Takpe.

aku malas nak layan orang yang sombong dan biadab.

so i rest my case...

things would be easier...

things would be planned for...

making decisions would be faster...

jobs would be delegated...

a few words said and all done...

everything would be flawless...

if only ... .... ....

it was about 6 plus in the morning. i was feeling cold because of the full blast fan. i was closing my eyes and i felt as if someone put a blanket over my legs and automatically i pulled the blanket over my body. for a while, i felt warm.

i woke up only to find out it was a dream. but it felt real. very real.

i felt very sad cos only one person would do that. no one else. whenever you woke up for subuh and when you knew i was feeling cold, you would grab the blanket on the bed and put over me..

i really miss you...